First Impressions

We first met our son when he came to us for short breaks care at around 21 months old. From the moment we saw his little face, he completely melted our hearts. He was such a happy, busy little boy with a huge personality, and it didn’t take long for us to form a real connection with him.

As conversations progressed about providing him with a long-term home, we learned that his older sister, who is only 10 months older than him, was living with another foster family. Whenever they spent time together, it was clear that caring for two very young children who had experienced trauma would bring its own challenges. However, what stood out even more was the obvious bond they shared. Despite everything they had been through, there was a love and familiarity between them that couldn’t be ignored.

We began to think beyond the practicalities and focused instead on what would be best for them in the long term. We wanted to create a home where they could grow up together, support one another, and begin to heal as a family.

Looking back now, we appreciate even more how important family and lifelong connections are. Having grown up with strong relationships with our own siblings, we understood the comfort, identity and sense of belonging those relationships can provide. It felt especially important that, as full siblings, they would have the opportunity to grow up together, share their childhood, and always have each other. Being able to offer them that has been one of the greatest privileges of our lives.

What is one memory that always makes you smile?

One of my favourite memories is the day our youngest child came to live with us. By that stage, we had been caring for his older brother and sister for almost three years. There was still a great deal of uncertainty about his future and whether adoption would ever be possible for him, but we knew that if he was going to experience love, stability and security, even for a short time, it should be alongside his brother and sister.

The moment that always makes me smile happened just after he arrived. We had been watching Inside Out on TV, and our elder son, who was four and a half at the time, was completely fascinated by how tiny his baby brother was. He leaned over to him several times and whispered into his ear, “Do you know Inside Out?” It was such an innocent, heartfelt question. Looking back, I think he was trying to understand what his little brother might be feeling and wanted to help him make sense of this brand new world.

It was such a simple moment, but it captured everything we hoped our family would become. Even at such a young age, there was already a sense of love, curiosity and protectiveness between them. Seeing the three siblings together for the first time filled our home with so much joy and hope. It’s a memory that still makes me smile (and cry with joy)  every time I think about it.

What surprised you most about adopting siblings?

The fun, the tears… and the refereeing!

Like any family with more than one child, our days are filled with laughter, disagreements, noise and plenty of moments where we’re called in to settle the odd argument. But having three little faces looking at you first thing in the morning and being the last people you say goodnight to each evening makes every high and every low completely worthwhile.

One of the biggest joys has been watching each of our children grow into their own unique personalities. Although they share the same beginnings, they are all wonderfully different, each with their own strengths, interests and little quirks. We wouldn’t change any of it for the world.

Of course, parenting siblings comes with challenges, just as it does in any family. But the rewards far outweigh them. Seeing them comfort one another, celebrate each other’s achievements, protect each other and simply enjoy being together reminds us every day why keeping siblings together matters.

Something else that has really stayed with us is the importance of looking beyond a child’s history. Sometimes the narrative surrounding a child can feel overwhelming, but we have learned that every child deserves to be seen as an individual, not defined by the experiences they have lived through. Their past is part of their story, but it does not determine who they are or who they can become. Watching our children flourish as individuals, while also growing together as siblings, has been one of the greatest privileges of our lives.

Building New Memories

Without a doubt, our happiest family memories have been made through caravanning. For the past four summers, we’ve spent our holidays together in a caravan, and it has become something we all look forward to each year.

Although it means living in a much smaller space, we’ve found that it’s one of the best ways to spend quality time together. Being away from the busyness of everyday life allows us to slow down, really connect as a family, and enjoy each other’s company without the usual distractions of work, school and daily routines.

Our children have the freedom to explore, play outdoors, use their imaginations and make new friends wherever we go. Just as importantly, they have strengthened their relationships with one another. Watching them laugh together, create adventures, solve little problems and simply enjoy being siblings has been incredibly special.

Those trips have reminded us that some of the best family memories aren’t about expensive days out or elaborate plans. They’re made around the breakfast table in the caravan, on beach walks, toasting marshmallows, playing games, or sitting outside together at the end of the day. Those simple moments have helped us build strong family bonds and have created memories that we will all treasure for years to come.

Keeping Their Story

Looking back, I believe that adopting siblings has helped each of our children make sense of their story in a way that would have been much harder if they had grown up apart.

Because they share the same birth parents, they also share the same beginnings. As they have grown older and started to ask questions about their past, we’ve been able to have open and honest conversations that help them understand where they came from. While each child will always experience and process their journey differently, having that shared history has made those conversations feel more natural. Managing annual family contact has also been simpler, allowing them to experience those important connections together rather than separately.

Although their memories of their early years are limited, they have something incredibly valuable: they have each other. They don’t have to carry their past alone. They have a brother and sister who share the same roots, who understand parts of their story without everything having to be explained, and who can continue to make sense of it together as they grow older.

For us, preserving their story has never been about focusing only on what happened before they came to us. It’s about helping them build the next chapters of their lives together. We want our children to know that they are deeply loved, that they are wanted, and that their past does not define their future. Whatever life brings, they will always have had the opportunity to build a lifelong relationship with one another in a home that has provided safety, stability, love and nurture.

Perhaps the greatest gift of keeping siblings together is that they have never had to lose each other. Their shared story didn’t end when they entered care – it has continued to grow every day as they laugh together, support one another, make memories and simply enjoy being brothers and sister. That is something we hope they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.

Advice for Others

I would say, first and foremost, that adopting siblings is a big decision and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. There will be challenges, just as there are in any family, but there are also incredible rewards.

For us, we always knew we wanted a family. Growing up with strong family relationships ourselves, we also knew that, if possible, we wanted our children to have siblings to grow up alongside. That belief gave us confidence to consider adopting brothers and sisters together.

One piece of advice I would give is to embrace the assessment process. Rather than seeing it as something to get through, use it as an opportunity to reflect on your own experiences, your values and the kind of parent you want to be. Looking back, it almost felt like a form of therapy for us. It helped us understand ourselves better and gave us a strong foundation for parenting.

There are, of course, aspects of adoption that can feel daunting, particularly the legal processes and navigating relationships with birth family. Those things are important, but they shouldn’t overshadow the day-to-day reality of family life. Your focus quickly becomes the ordinary moments – school runs, bedtime stories, family meals, holidays and making memories together. Those are the things that build a family.

I would also encourage prospective adopters to make time for each other as a couple. When siblings are placed together, family life often begins at full speed. You don’t always get the gradual transition that many families experience, and at times it can feel overwhelming. Supporting one another through those early days is so important. There may be short-term challenges, but they are an investment in the future you are building together.

Four years on from completing our adoptions, we’re simply a family navigating everyday life together. We’re no longer thinking about assessments, matching or court dates; we’re thinking about homework, football practice, family holidays, birthday parties and whose turn it is to tidy their bedroom! There are busy days, noisy days and challenging days, but there are also so many moments of laughter, pride and love. One of the greatest things we’ve learned is that, over time, you stop thinking of yourself as an “adoptive family” and simply become a family. Choosing to adopt our children has been the best decision my husband and I have ever made, and we wouldn’t change it for the world.