My journey as a single gay foster carer in Northern Ireland
I suppose you could say I’ve grown up surrounded by care. My mum has worked in childcare for over forty-five years as the leader of Moyraverty Pre-School Playgroup and as a private childminder, so our home was always filled with kids. That sense of nurturing and chaos was the norm for me, and it definitely shaped the person I’ve become. My goal and intention were always to adopt, but during my initial conversations with the Trust they suggested fostering first. I’ll admit I was very apprehensive at the time, but in hindsight it was the best call I could have made. Two years on, I’m so much more equipped and experienced than I ever imagined.
So far, I’ve provided short breaks, outreach, a ten month placement, and one week each month of emergency call outs. Right now, I’m doing weekly short breaks and monthly emergency care while also back in the middle of a new home assessment, this time for adoption approval, which is incredibly exciting. I’ve found this assessment much easier than my first because I now have the first-hand experience and knowledge to answer any questions confidently. All the skills I’ve learned from fostering, from managing routines to building trust and navigating challenges, have made this process far more straightforward and enjoyable. It feels like a natural next step and one I am genuinely thrilled to be pursuing.
When I first started, I worried that being a single gay man might work against me or that there could be prejudice, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. From day one, I’ve felt nothing but acceptance and encouragement. The social workers have been fantastic, and the fostering team always makes sure you feel supported and heard. The home study process was much more personal and reflective than I expected. It was not a test, more like a guided conversation that helps you think about how you were raised and what kind of parent you want to be.
I’ll never forget the day I was approved by the fostering panel. It’s one of those moments that sticks with you forever. I felt proud, emotional, and deeply humbled that I’d been trusted to provide a home for a child in need. My first placement was a three year old girl who stayed for nine days. I was so nervous before she arrived, but once she walked through the door, all those nerves vanished. We played, laughed, cooked, and made memories in such a short space of time. When she left, the house felt painfully quiet, but it also confirmed that fostering was exactly where I was meant to be.
Over the past two years, I’ve learned that anyone can make a difference to the many children across Northern Ireland who need a safe and loving environment, whether that is through long or short term care, or even a few hours of outreach or short breaks each week. Every bit of help matters. You do not need to provide full time care to change a child’s life. But it’s also important to be a realist. It’s not all rainbows and smiles. Many children in the system have experienced deep trauma, things that cannot always be verbalised. It takes time, patience, and consistency to build trust and help them feel safe. I’ve had sleepless nights, moments of self-harm, hours of screaming, and yes, even “poo protests”. There were times, especially early in my ten month placement, when I almost threw in the towel. But I’m so glad I didn’t. Pushing through those tough moments changed everything. It gave that little boy stability, a sense of belonging, and the grounding he needed for what I hope will be a great future.
Fostering has taught me that the most valuable thing you can give a child is not money or possessions, it’s your time, your patience, and your belief in them. I love watching children settle, seeing them smile again, and watching their confidence return bit by bit. Don’t get me wrong, I love to travel, and it was a dream getting to bring my foster son on a plane for the first time and to see what he called “a real beach.” Making memories and seeing his face light up with new shared experiences was incredible, though none of this would have even been an option had the wee man not felt so happy, comfortable, and loved. Those small, quiet victories are what make fostering so worthwhile.
Being a foster carer has also taught me the importance of flexibility and creativity. You never quite know what each day will bring, so having a sense of humour, patience, and the ability to think on your feet is essential. It is so rewarding to see the progress children make, even in small ways. Something as simple as helping a child feel proud of a drawing or encouraging them to try a new activity can make a huge difference in their confidence and self-esteem.
Looking ahead, I’m excited to continue fostering while also working towards adoption. Having two years of experience under my belt has made the process feel much more manageable and realistic. I now have first-hand insight to draw on, and I can answer any questions confidently. I feel ready, supported, and prepared for the next chapter of my journey, and I cannot wait to see how it unfolds. I also hope my story encourages others to consider fostering, especially those who might think their circumstances do not fit the “typical” carer. You do not have to be a couple, or own a big house, or have a certain lifestyle. You simply need to care.
If you are thinking about fostering, my advice is simple, take that first step. Do not talk yourself out of it because you think you might not be enough. The truth is, you do not need to be perfect to be a foster carer, you just need to care. Every child deserves someone to believe in them, to support them, and to help them feel safe. I promise you, the rewards far outweigh the challenges, and you will make a difference that lasts a lifetime.
Click here to read our article on fostering in the LGBTQIA+ community