Why you became a foster carer for a young refugee?
I volunteered with a group which worked with families from the Syrian Community in Northern Ireland. It concerned me that if adults and families struggled to adapt and resettle into life in a strange country then how much more difficult for a young person after making that journey alone.
I often watched the news of children who take any means possible to reach a safer country from the one they’ve left behind and thought surely there has got to be something I can do to help.
Having spent 6 months in the Philippines I experienced how bewildering, isolating and frightening living in a different country can be, especially at the start. Thankfully I was made to feel very safe and welcome by the people I met and stayed with and their generous hospitality encourages me to do the same for others.
I’ve also always loved meeting people from other countries so I have a natural interest in languages and cultures.
I’m in private rental accommodation so I had a home and I had time and love to offer so it all felt right for me to start the process after seeing an advertisement for foster carers with this scheme on my work intranet.
What kind of things do you do with the young person?
When the young person was here with me it was during lockdown so we were limited to what we could do and where we could go. We visited the food market for halal food and cooked together. He showed me how to make some traditional recipes from back home. We watched Bollywood films as he had a love for Indian films. We exercised together at the beginning but he was then happy to go out on his own and used the punch bag out the back yard.
We also visited some landmarks around Northern Ireland.
We shared a lot of conversation and he picked up the English language very quickly and I enjoyed learning his language.
From the moment he came to stay with me he expressed an interest in all religions and so we had many conversations about this and about his religion Islam which he enjoyed sharing.
We drove a lot and sometimes when he felt a little stressed we got into the car and drove with his music up loud.
He loved YouTube and we watched comedy sketches which also helped with his English but also gave us both a lot of laughs.
What is your role / what do you help him with?
I helped him with understanding the asylum process and other processes he was involved in. After some meetings he would have had further questions or was upset so I helped talk over any concerns and made sure we did something relaxing like going for a drive, playing music or gaming to help de-stress and switch off. It was important for him to know he could talk about his concerns as much as he wanted and when he wanted.
I encouraged him with his English lessons online, making sure he was up in time and got logged on with the teacher, and even having this other person in his life for a couple of times a week was both beneficial for him and for me. He helped with household chores which he’d need to know about for moving on as well as helping him how to manage and understand money.
We talked a lot about life here as it is so different from his own culture, talking about social etiquette and relationships as he would be integrating more if he goes to college, starts work and for moving to a new neighbourhood.
What are the positives/ rewards?
He has gained more confidence to integrate into life in the UK and has a better understanding of what to expect from others around him. He has taught me a lot about his culture and religion. Hearing what he has been through at such a young age has challenged me with my own attitudes.
What do you get out of fostering?
Satisfaction of knowing that I have been a small part of a much bigger group of people who helped a young person feel safe, loved and protected and begin a new life for themselves. I learnt a huge amount from him.
I’ve gained a better understanding of the asylum process and the different people and stages involved.
How you found the process?
From my initial response to the advert about fostering to being approved was a lot shorter than I expected – it was roughly 7 or 8 months but I thought it would take a couple of years. The process was necessary and gave me time to reflect on each stage especially when I was asked to submit some written pieces on my own childhood and background.
My personal experience of my social worker was and is still extremely positive. They have a great knowledge of the process and answered all concerns or questions I had. The process was very gentle and reassuring especially when I had worries that maybe some of my past experiences might negatively affect my ability to foster.
What kind of support do you and young person receive?
We had great support throughout his stay with me. Although there were minimum face to face visits due to Covid we had online meetings and phone calls with professionals and he met with his guardian regularly for socially distanced walks. These were the same people throughout his process and that was a great consistent support for him.
The support is there for you but you must ask for it when you need it and not expect social workers/ other professionals to read your mind. Also, for me it was very important that I understood the terminology used in the meetings with the young person as he had many questions for me so don’t be afraid to keep asking for clarification if you don’t fully understand something.
Anything the young person has said to you that have made it worthwhile?
“You have been like a mother”
He also referred to me as ‘Old Lady’ which I loved and made me laugh – I saw it as a term of endearment!
How has the young person changed your family life?
I’m a single female and live alone but my mum has been very positively affected by him and they formed a lovely bond. It’s been heartening for her and I to share memories of his time here together.
We need more foster carers from diverse backgrounds to meet the growing demand of children and young people coming into care. At present there are 3,359 children and young people living in foster care in Northern Ireland, both in kinship and non-kinship foster care (March 2024).
All of the children we have fostered have moved on either to go to work or university, and we keep in touch so we know how they are getting on with their lives.
I went home and talked to my husband about fostering John and Aidan said ‘we can look after him’. We had already reared our family and our son had flown the nest and we both wanted to give this little boy a happy home. The Western Trust were so helpful; we met John’s social worker who began the process, arranged training and support and we soon became John’s long-term carers. John moved in on 14 February 2014, a day I will never forget.
